my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
