youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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