Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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