just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
