woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
