Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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