bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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