I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
