I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
