i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
