Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I pour the whiskey from now on
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
