if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
