Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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