Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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