at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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