I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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