Four minutes until I can fart!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
