Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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