Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Can I color on your dick again?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
