i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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