Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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