the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
