apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
