mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
