Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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