Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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