I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
