Kiss
Puke
I am spending my child support on dildos
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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