you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
