Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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