Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I fill condoms, not promises.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
