You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
