you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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