I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
