i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
