A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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