Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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