Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
