If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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