oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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