the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
