Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
