if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
