Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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