sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
