Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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