I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
