Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
