we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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