I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
