you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
