so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
