glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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